For Mothers of Difficult Daughters by Charney Herst

Author:Charney Herst [Herst, Charney]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-80453-2
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2011-08-17T00:00:00+00:00

She May Never Change—

but You Can Change Your Relationship

I believe that everyone can change if they want to, including your unhappy daughter. But if she does decide to readjust her outlook on life, it probably won’t be because you talked her into it. You cannot change her. You cannot make her happy. And, sad to say, a good number of dissatisfied daughters never do change. You have to be prepared for that possibility and plan your future accordingly.

Back in chapter three I asked you to write a wish list, where you set down all the things you wanted in your relationship with your daughter. Read it again now, and with each item, ask yourself if you’d still include that wish if your daughter did not modify her personality. Do you still want “more visits with her” if she’s always going to be unpleasant? Do you want her to “be happier”? Or to “stop complaining”? Amend your list so that it only reflects what’s actually possible. Maybe she can’t be happier, and maybe you can’t get her to stop complaining entirely, but you can control the amount of time you spend listening to her complaints and witnessing her unhappiness. To a great degree, you can set the tone of your visits and phone calls with her. You can take the lead in your dance with her—in chapters eight and nine, I’ll show you how.

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